By Dr. Jason Robinson

As a university professor on a Christian campus, I have often been asked by students how to know whether the person they are dating is “the one” they have been praying for. As much as I would love to say that there is a step-by-step approach to knowing that answer, I simply cannot. However, I can tell you that there are some deal makers and deal breakers when choosing a potential spouse. One should use great wisdom when choosing who to marry. That person will have the ability to unite or divide. They can bring calm or chaos. They can cause happiness or heartache.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 4:8).

Below are 20 questions that I believe every Christian should consider before marriage.

1.      Do they follow Jesus and does the fruit show?

2.      Do they unite me with others, or do they divide me from others?

3.      Do they draw me closer to God or closer to sin?

Do not be deceived: Bad company ruins good morals (1 Corinthians 15:33).

4. Do I find myself speaking words of life to people or words of criticism and destruction when I am with them?

5.      Do they encourage me to pursue my dreams and calling or do they encourage me to pursue the dreams and image that they have pictured for me?

6.      Do my family and close friends have red flags or serious concerns about this person being in my life?

7.      Do drama and conflict surround this person, and do they apologize easily for their involvement in the conflict and/or mistakes that they have made?

A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends (Proverbs 16:28).

8.      Do they try to change who I am to fit their image of perfection or are they happy with who I am?

9.      Are their days filled with gossip about others or do they speak words of encouragement to those around them?

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29).

10.      Have they jumped quickly between relationships?

11.      Is there a rush to marriage or is there a desire to slowly build the relationship together?

12.      Do they serve others, or do they expect to be served?

13.      How do they prioritize money, status, and material items?

14.      When conflict occurs, are they always the victim or do they strive to listen to the opinions and experiences of others?

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry… (James 1:19).

15.      During a disagreement, do they attempt to build an alliance with others, or are they willing to work through the conflict prayerfully and privately?

16.      Does this person really make me happy or am I simply happy because I am not alone?

17.      Am I attracted to their appearance or am I attracted to more than just their appearance?

18.      Would I be happy with this person as the father or mother of my children?

19.  Am I equally yoked with this person, or do they just attend church?

20.  Are my priorities in life the same as theirs?

Who you marry matters. So, seek God’s will and pray for great wisdom. Ask for guidance from those who love you, have invested in you, and have been consistent in walking alongside you throughout life.

And as always, pray and pray some more.

Dr. Jason Robinson is an Associate Professor of Education at Lee University in southeast Tennessee. Jason is a local, state, and national award-winning educator who has a passion for teaching and equipping the next generation of leaders. He and his family reside in Cleveland, Tennessee.