5 Vital Relationships in Your Twenties
By Josiah Kennealy
Especially coming out of the past year and a half of pandemic and moving towards endemic, everyone is craving community! So how do you cultivate contagious community? Where do you find those relationships we all long for? Let’s face it: we weren’t made to do life by ourselves! I actually don’t think you can live fully alive on your own or without others! Here’s a handful of thoughts on the type of life-giving friendships we all need:
Christ (Jesus at the center of it all)
More than a religion filled with rules and regulations that you need to try to keep up with. A RELATIONSHIP with Jesus is absolutely life-giving. He is the source of life! All other relationships flow from here.
I love what Paul writes in the doxology in verses 33-36 of Romans 11 “For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.” To me, this is something I think about often as I desire Jesus at the center of it all: my life, my marriage, my family, ministry, everything. It’s all from him, for him, about him, through him, and for him!
Until we have Christ at the center of our lives - every other relationship is going to be out of balance. We begin looking for others to complete us, or at a minimum, we expect that others will fill the hole that only God can.
As I meet with college students on a campus and talk with young adults in this generation - one of the most frequently asked questions on the forefront of their mind is: “how to I make friends?” Talk with Jesus. Pray that you become the friend others are looking for. Then expect that you might meet your next best friend you’ve ever met in your life tomorrow, later this week, or next month… because God desires that for you! He created you for relationship with him and with others!
Friends (One Christian you can trust changes everything)
I heard Louie Giglio share when he was asked why Passion has had such tremendous success for more than two decades - attracting stadiums full of college students encouraging them to live their lives for what matters most. His answer? He said that so many young people feel alone. They think they are the only Christian on their college campus, in their workplace, in their city, and even their church. When you’re surrounded by thousands of other young adults worshipping the name above every other - something clicks and you realize you’re not alone - you are one of MANY!
That being said, it’s impossible to know everyone in your church on a deep personal level - let alone in a stadium full of people. One of the relationships you simply can’t do without is having at least one other Christian you can trust.
Where do you find people like this? I’ve always found that everyone wants an invitation - but very few people are taking initiative. Be the person who invites somebody to lunch, to coffee, to grocery shop, to go with you on a road trip, or to a drive-in movie, a sporting event, or game night.
Parents (Powerful influences in our lives)
Addison Bevere recently shared with me that one of the things he’s noticing in his travels about the next generation is that individuals who have a strong relationship with their Christian parents tend to rebel against the injustices of the world around them. Those who don’t have a healthy relationship with their parents tend to rebel against the religion of their parents. Crazy, isn’t it?
There are no perfect parents- there is however the remarkable blessing of a praying parent.
If you’re a parent reading this - my encouragement would be to pursue your son or daughter. Not sure where to begin? Jodie Bernt suggests starting by praying the scriptures over your children. Trust that God will give you the wisdom to invest into the relationship. If your son/daughter is over 18, you can totally start the conversation, send the text, make the meal, pick up the phone, but ask questions like:
What’s on your mind?
What are you hoping for? Excited about?
Who are some of your close friends?
Where are you hoping to travel?
AND THEN LISTEN! Actually, listen. Just listen some more.
And if you’re a teenager or young adult reading this - I’d challenge you to make the most of your time with your parents while they are living. So many people look back on a broken relationship with regret. Many people who have lost their parents spend the rest of their life on earth trying to please their parents and earn their approval.
Pastors (everyone needs a pastor)
Discipleship at it’s core is about passing faith on to the next generations. Disciples reach up to pastors, leaders, and mentors. When you look at a pastor’s role it’s really about a couple of things:
Fulfilling the great commission (which is also the call of every believer.) And that is to go into all the earth and make disciples [see Matthew 28:19]. Continue to pass faith on to the next generations.
Equipping the saints for the work of the ministry [see Ephesians 4:11-12]. I love the way my friends Jonathan Pokluda and David Marvin phrase this: do ministry through people, not to people.
The significance of having a pastor in your life is they are placed there by God as an authority like a shepherd under the good shepherd to speak truth in love. Have you ever thought about your significance in your pastor’s life? To pray for them, their marriage, their family. To support their vision, to serve, to encourage, to bless. Today is a great day to thank your pastor for their service and to thank God for your pastor!
Mentors (high impact relationships)
My Chiropractor recently retired. He has helped me and my family for years in our health and in our lives. Since he’s no longer working the practice, a new, young, recent grad bought his practice. As I write this piece, I just visited the new chiropractor for the first time. I needed an adjustment and the appointment went great. What stood out to me most was to hear how this young doctor had become an understudy apprentice of the long time chiropractor before a transition was made.
What a cool picture of mentorship - a transfer of knowledge, passion, guidance, and wisdom. It was also a win-win: the retiring chiropractor’s practice lives on as something that will outlast him through the next generation. And the next generation stands on the shoulders and the foundation build by someone who went before them.
A mentor is a guide who can help you get from where you are now to where you want to go and they can teach you a lot of what you’ll need to know.
Mentoring goes both ways. My wife, Micah, says it best: “you’re never too old to learn, and you’re never too young to teach.” Either the mentor or mentee can approach about the opportunity, but I’ve seen it work best when the younger generation approaches the older generation about the opportunity.
Josiah Kennealy ministers to young adults, college students and raises up young adult ministry leaders across the nation through Young Adults Today. He is an author and host of the Young Adult Today Podcast. He and his wife Micah have one child and live near the Twin Cities.