When the Pain Seems Too Much to Bear
By Dr. Jason Robinson
Everyone experiences grief in life. For some, it comes from the loss of a loved one, a great disappointment, financial ruin, or a broken relationship with a friend or family member. For others, the pain comes from a deep church hurt, a job loss, a miscarriage, health concerns, or a variety of other reasons. No matter what the cause, we still can walk in the peace and joy that only Christ gives.
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:17-18)
Below are three points that every believer should remember when the pain in life seems too much to bear.
This is a Season
When grief comes in the form of a loss, we must recognize that there is a grieving process that we will go through. The five steps include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The stages are common, so please do not allow the enemy to tell you that what you are feeling is abnormal or maybe even “weird.”
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. (2 Corinthians 4:8-9)
Your deep sorrow will not last forever, but at the same time, please understand that it might not be completely forgotten. From time to time, sadness might still surface. When you love hard, you hurt hard. When my wife and I experienced back-to-back miscarriages after our firstborn child, we were overcome with deep sadness and hopelessness. Today, that sadness can still creep up from time to time, but I will never forget the delivery day when our “rainbow baby” was born two years later. Hearing our daughter cry out for the first time was one of the most beautiful sounds in the world. The deep grief we had previously experienced was a season, not a lifetime sentence. And what about the two babies we miscarried? One day, we will meet our two additional children in Heaven, and what a day that will be!
Healing Takes Time
We often think that healing happens quickly, but that is not always the case. I would dare say that in most circumstances it is simply untrue. In life, healing takes time. And when the wound is deep, we must provide ourselves the time and resources needed to heal. The last thing we should do is to rip the Band-Aid off an unhealed wound.
Several years ago, our family experienced a deep loss from a broken relationship that is still felt today. Even though most wound layers have healed, it did not happen overnight. We had to patiently walk through the grieving process and layer by layer healing gradually occurred. As of today, the process has taken us almost five years. The pain will never be forgotten, but we truly believe that one day the relationship with our loved one will be restored. God is not finished with our story, and He is not finished with yours either.
When grief sets in for whatever reason, please allow yourself the time that is needed for healing to take place. Surround yourself with godly counsel and allow yourself the freedom to feel the emotions that come with grief. After all, Jesus did.
Jesus wept. (John 11:35)
You Are Not Alone
When dealing with the pains of life, the worst thing we can do is to completely isolate ourselves from others. Isolation is a tactic used by the enemy to cause us to feel lonely, rejected, and sad. We were not meant to live in isolation, we were meant to live in community surrounded by people who love and care for us. Most importantly, we cannot neglect our relationship with God…and communication is key. Continue praising Him. Continue crying out to Him in prayer. Continue journaling and memorizing scripture. And continue worshipping Him. God is always with us, and we will never be alone.
Kari Jobe’s worship song entitled, “I Am Not Alone” says:
You're my strength / You're my defender / You're my refuge in the storm / Through these trials / You've always been faithful / You bring healing to my soul / I am not alone
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. (Isaiah 43:2)
Dr. Jason Robinson is an Associate Professor of Education at Lee University in southeast Tennessee. Jason is a local, state, and national award-winning educator who has a passion for teaching and equipping the next generation of leaders. He and his family reside in Cleveland, Tennessee.